Let Yourself Crash

Try this when you're feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

Dear Healthy Jew,

I’ve shared with you in the past about the nightly Healthy Jew I teach to gap-year students in a local Ramat Bet Shemesh yeshiva, Lev HaTorah. This year I’ve been blessed to deepen my relationship with the yeshiva as mashgiach ruchani, an untranslatable term which means overseeing, supporting, and guiding each student’s emotional and spiritual growth.

In that role, I spend all weekday mornings and most eventings listening to and connecting with our incredible students regarding issues ranging from Talmud study to family (and roommate!) relationships to finding meaning in prayer (why’s God need all those praises?) to social media dependency.

It’s a bit ironic. On one hand, I love listening and connecting with people, and I’m grateful to be hearing that people think I’m good at it. But it’s also miles away from my comfort zone of reading and writing in a quiet corner (or hilltop) with nobody bothering me. I’m a high-functioning introvert, to borrow a description I don’t remember from whom I heard.

So on many days, by the time I pick up the kids and get home at 4 in the afternoon, with just a few hours to go until I’m back on duty, I’m feeling completely overwhelmed and exhausted.

One afternoon several months ago, I was so tired and worn out that I just plopped down on our living room floor and fell asleep. Half hour later I was a new man - not only from resting, but because I had proactively expressed and experienced my overwhelm and exhaustion. I needed to crash with a bang - not just to slowly wind down with a dignified nap in bed.

That’s become a ritual of sorts. Once in a while, whether or not my wife and kids like it, I plop down on the nearest floor with a purposeful crash.

Crashing onto the floor, for me, is about respecting stressful feelings and living through them instead of burying them with unhealthy coping mechanisms. Whenever we face, and walk through, and embody - literally, put in body - difficult thoughts and emotions, we come out the other side bigger and better.

How?

• Our bodies are built to digest and excrete - not only food but also stress, fear, joy, and so much more. The mind and heart can perceive profound wisdom and feel deep emotions, yet they need the body to work it all through in balance and health. Through “doing” the feelings, they descend into reality and work themselves out.

• By watching the feelings in our bodies, our minds get some distance and perspective. For example, I might notice: My body is feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, but I’m much more than those feelings. I’m a beloved child of God living in service to God, myself, and my fellows.

So next time you're feeling everything is just too much, consider taking a short crash onto the floor. If that’s too uncomfortable, perhaps your crash will look somewhat different. All the matters is taking a concrete action to unravel, opening up to whatever might be on the other side.

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Be well,

Rabbi Shmuel Chaim Naiman