List Your Fears

Then let them go.

Last week we learned the value of fear, an emotion many Healthy Jews are feeling now.

When faced with honesty and courage, fear brings humility, growth and God. We’re in trouble when we mask fear with complacency, fantasy faiths, control, and anger.

Don’t Be Afraid of Fear Itself

Today I’m going to share the first part of a process for facing fear and walking through it. I’ve done this process many hundreds of times over many years, and I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s changed, and continues to change, my life. Maybe give it a try.

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How to Write a Fear List

The basic idea is very simple.

• Take a piece of paper and pen, or, if you must, a keyboard and fingers.

• Write down all your fears. All of them.

Here are some important pro-tips.

• The point is not to “get to the bottom of it,” to discover that one existential fear that is the source of all the rest. (“I’m afraid I’m not worthy” / “I’m afraid of facing who I am”…).

• Instead, search broad and deep, with courage and patience. Discover many different types of fear: big and small, real and imagined, honorable and shameful, personal and shared.

• Don’t try to get to the fears in any order. Don’t try to be profound. You don’t even need perfect spelling and grammar. Just go with the flow, starting with whatever comes to mind first, then moving freely around the various areas of your life.

• Begin each item with writing the words “I’m afraid of/that...” This isn’t a figuring-it-out process where all that matters is the data. We’re working through fear, so we say each time that we’re afraid.

• Don’t bother counting the fears; they are never too few or many. On some days you might find only a dozen, on others two score. They are whatever they are.

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At The Healthy Jew class in Yeshivas Lev Hatorah, we’ve long given up on our stuffy classroom; outside is way more healthy Jewish. The other day we talked through our fear list together.

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To give you a taste of the process, let me share with you some of my most recent list.

I’m afraid of feeling stress and pressure and fear from this war.

I’m afraid of loneliness.

I’m afraid of anger and frustration at people who look at the world and politics wrong (in my view).

I’m afraid of never being powerful and famous.

I’m afraid of God-forbid being hurt of killed, or someone I know or care about.

I’m afraid God-forbid they won’t get the hostages back, that lots of soldiers will be killed and hurt.

I’m afraid of the pain that everyone is feeling now.

I’m afraid of being distracted, unsettled, and anxious because of this war.

I’m afraid of being too much behind the screen and not with real people.

I’m afraid of eating unhealthfully and feeling dishonest.

I’m afraid of asking for emotional help.

I’m afraid of war getting worse, of Hezbollah and Iran getting involved, of losing US support.

I’m afraid that I’m not really accepting fear.

I’m afraid of not being able to hike and camp for a long time.

I’m afraid of Israel’s internal political fights starting up again.

I’m afraid of running when I’m not in the mood.

I’m afraid of making video clips.

I’m afraid of feeling tired.

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Letting Go of the List

After listing your fears, read them over, out loud.

Pay attention while reading. Intend to let them go. If you’d like, invite God to listen and take your fears into His care. God is way better than us in managing scary situations, whatever the fear’s magnitude or reality.

Because we’re not figuring anything out, throw out the paper (or delete the file) when you’re finished, to tell yourself with an action that you’ve seen today’s fears and are ready to let them go.

When tomorrow comes, feel free to do it again. You’ll learn something new every time: new fears, new patterns, and fears that repeatedly come up. Every time we show up to face fear and let it go, we draw closer to ourselves and God.

Let Go

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We’ve worked through fear and let it go. But we’re not done yet: we need another action to balance out fear. Not to cancel fear, but to know, amplify, and develop the parts of us that are wholeness and joy.

Go Get Gratitudes